The young wives of Cayucos rule

January 16, 2022

Editor’s Note: The following series, “Life in Radically Gentrifying Cayucos by the Sea,” to be posted biweekly includes the notes, thoughts, and opinions of an original American voice: author Dell Franklin. 

Franklin’s memoir, “Life On The Mississippi, 1969,” is currently on Amazon.

By DELL FRANKLIN

The young wives of Cayucos are a welcome and prominent addition to our population-dwindling little town and not afraid to expound on their feelings and views on any subject but especially those regarding their children and schooling.

The young wives of Cayucos seem always to be in a hurry as they constantly check their cell phones and appear to be mentally multi tasking.

The young wives of Cayucos appear to be athletic and highly aware of health and physical well-being and can often be seen jogging in pairs or trios as they gab and check their phones. And sometimes while jogging, they push baby strollers and still check their phones and somehow manage to hold onto the leashes of beautiful Golden Retrievers and occasionally swig from bottles of water.

The young wives of Cayucos, though often busy with their tasks and responsibilities, are nevertheless polite and pleasant when engaged, and patient when one tries to extend a conversation with them unless it touches upon subjects that test the mettle of their deepest beliefs and set opinions and provokes an intense rejoinder that could be feisty and startling.

The young wives of Cayucos seem to dwarf their husbands when it comes to presence and profile and even charisma, which leads me to wonder what their husbands do for a living to afford housing in Cayucos.

The young wives of Cayucos are by and large attractive and well-groomed and appear to hail from the finest white stables in the state or perhaps the country, which also means they probably went to college and drank Coors Lite at sorority parties and thus are extremely knowledgeable when it comes to judging Chardonnay, Merlot, Cabernet and various other wines as well as the newest, most piquant craft beers.

The young wives of Cayucos drive gleaming new SUV’s and luxury sedans and text while driving to and from Albertson’s and Costco and Best Buy and Trader Joe’s and gyms and the various appointments overwhelming young mothers of today.

The young wives of Cayucos are dedicated mothers supervising their children and making sure teachers and scoutmasters and coaches are as dedicated to their well-being as they are, and if not, there will be hell to pay.

At a school board meeting, one young Cayucos wife, without mask, wore a large American flag as a cape which meant she was a true patriot and all business when it came to anybody imposing rules forcing her children to wear masks and get vaccinated. She was forceful and passionate when she took the mic to make herself heard and received a rousing ovation from a crew of fellow young wives of Cayucos who were not wearing masks, while a line of women on the other side of the assemblage wearing expansive masks hiding most of their faces remained mum. It was impossible to perceive if they were young or old Cayucos wives or troublemakers from elsewhere and here to combat the young wives and try and take away their rights and freedoms as Americans!

During summer mornings down on the beach, many of the young wives of Cayucos delivered their children for lifeguard training and hung around to visit and keep an eye on things. Some of us old geezers hanging around the seawall wondered if, like our mothers many years back, they were den mothers when we were in the cub scouts, but otherwise ran wild in the streets with no supervision and made it a point to keep them guessing where we were and what kind of mischief we were up to until they caught us and tried to take away privileges but failed because the sight of us staying home and doing chores, was unbearable.

The young wives of Cayucos attending the school board meeting are the most purposeful, focused, dynamic women I’ve ever witnessed in action (save Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor-Greene) and are firmly in charge. I wonder if those refusing to wear masks and get vaccinated, and refusing to allow their kids to wear masks and get vaccinated, believe Donald Trump really won the election in 2020 and was cheated out of the presidency by a corrupt system in America that is on the verge of being taken over as an authoritarian state by liberal democrat socialists wanting to tax the hard-working rich and turn the country into a bloated welfare cesspool for the lazy poor whom, beggarly handout-seeking wretches they are, usually end up with the dirtiest, most debilitating low-paying jobs and fight our never ending wars.

I know I’m too intimidated to ask.