The young wives of Cayucos rule

January 16, 2022

Editor’s Note: The following series, “Life in Radically Gentrifying Cayucos by the Sea,” to be posted biweekly includes the notes, thoughts, and opinions of an original American voice: author Dell Franklin. 

Franklin’s memoir, “Life On The Mississippi, 1969,” is currently on Amazon.


The young wives of Cayucos are a welcome and prominent addition to our population-dwindling little town and not afraid to expound on their feelings and views on any subject but especially those regarding their children and schooling.

The young wives of Cayucos seem always to be in a hurry as they constantly check their cell phones and appear to be mentally multi tasking.

The young wives of Cayucos appear to be athletic and highly aware of health and physical well-being and can often be seen jogging in pairs or trios as they gab and check their phones. And sometimes while jogging, they push baby strollers and still check their phones and somehow manage to hold onto the leashes of beautiful Golden Retrievers and occasionally swig from bottles of water.

The young wives of Cayucos, though often busy with their tasks and responsibilities, are nevertheless polite and pleasant when engaged, and patient when one tries to extend a conversation with them unless it touches upon subjects that test the mettle of their deepest beliefs and set opinions and provokes an intense rejoinder that could be feisty and startling.

The young wives of Cayucos seem to dwarf their husbands when it comes to presence and profile and even charisma, which leads me to wonder what their husbands do for a living to afford housing in Cayucos.

The young wives of Cayucos are by and large attractive and well-groomed and appear to hail from the finest white stables in the state or perhaps the country, which also means they probably went to college and drank Coors Lite at sorority parties and thus are extremely knowledgeable when it comes to judging Chardonnay, Merlot, Cabernet and various other wines as well as the newest, most piquant craft beers.

The young wives of Cayucos drive gleaming new SUV’s and luxury sedans and text while driving to and from Albertson’s and Costco and Best Buy and Trader Joe’s and gyms and the various appointments overwhelming young mothers of today.

The young wives of Cayucos are dedicated mothers supervising their children and making sure teachers and scoutmasters and coaches are as dedicated to their well-being as they are, and if not, there will be hell to pay.

At a school board meeting, one young Cayucos wife, without mask, wore a large American flag as a cape which meant she was a true patriot and all business when it came to anybody imposing rules forcing her children to wear masks and get vaccinated. She was forceful and passionate when she took the mic to make herself heard and received a rousing ovation from a crew of fellow young wives of Cayucos who were not wearing masks, while a line of women on the other side of the assemblage wearing expansive masks hiding most of their faces remained mum. It was impossible to perceive if they were young or old Cayucos wives or troublemakers from elsewhere and here to combat the young wives and try and take away their rights and freedoms as Americans!

During summer mornings down on the beach, many of the young wives of Cayucos delivered their children for lifeguard training and hung around to visit and keep an eye on things. Some of us old geezers hanging around the seawall wondered if, like our mothers many years back, they were den mothers when we were in the cub scouts, but otherwise ran wild in the streets with no supervision and made it a point to keep them guessing where we were and what kind of mischief we were up to until they caught us and tried to take away privileges but failed because the sight of us staying home and doing chores, was unbearable.

The young wives of Cayucos attending the school board meeting are the most purposeful, focused, dynamic women I’ve ever witnessed in action (save Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor-Greene) and are firmly in charge. I wonder if those refusing to wear masks and get vaccinated, and refusing to allow their kids to wear masks and get vaccinated, believe Donald Trump really won the election in 2020 and was cheated out of the presidency by a corrupt system in America that is on the verge of being taken over as an authoritarian state by liberal democrat socialists wanting to tax the hard-working rich and turn the country into a bloated welfare cesspool for the lazy poor whom, beggarly handout-seeking wretches they are, usually end up with the dirtiest, most debilitating low-paying jobs and fight our never ending wars.

I know I’m too intimidated to ask.

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Usually, I love reading your take on the changing landscape in Cayucos. Usually.

You are judging outward appearances. I’ve known these women. They are unhappy inside. These women cheat on their husbands and become alcoholics. They don’t want their busy demanding life but outward appearances count for everything to them. They will continue to suffer inside and hate their husbands and resent their children. Talk to one someday at the bar. Get her drunk and you will hear the truth.

This article should be called the Young Wives from Calabasas, Orange County and San Jose rule Cayucos, no wonder I moved out of SLO county, it’s been overrun with dickheads with too much money.

Amen brother

We have pandered to this breed for decades. Shooting off fireworks at their return, tho we purport to love our dogs and birds.

They have been sunning on the beach leaving locally procured refuse and room taxes for all to praise since they were teens. Now that they are back polished and waxed and can afford to tear down the quaint old hippie shacks they once loved, for their nouveau “beiche” villas. Again we regale at the increase of the property tax as the locals go extinct. Those that made this habitat so desirable and unique is now almost gone, giving way for this new invasive species and it is breeding. When the workers who serve up the food, energy, welcome mats, and warmth cannot compete for a seat at the bar, who will be left to still keep Cayucos special?

RIP to the once eclectic vibrant town we cherished.

Welcome to New Cayucos.

The well groomed young wives are the downfall of Cayucos?

It’s not the grooming that is the issue. It is the competitive self importance coupled with a complete disregard for common courtesy that has in infected this once unique and supportive community. The insipid husbands are simply a a reflection of the true power of the Real Housewives of New Cayucos.

I agree you can find competitive self importance here, disregard for courtesy, all of that. It’s not the same town we had 20-30 years ago, but it’s not because of the young families. Our school numbers continually drop because young families can’t afford to live here. The ones here struggle to do it.

Pretty soon a guy won’t be able to go downtown for fish tacos anymore!