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SLO is truly Camelot

January 12, 2016
Allan Cooper

Allan Cooper

OPINION by ALLAN COOPER

Welcome to San Luis Obispo, the “happy city of denial” where city officials, the Downtown Association and the police department annually produce self-congratulatory crime reports.

Just the other day, the city informs us that DUI’s aren’t really going up. There are merely more cops on the beat.

Last year we heard that rapes aren’t going up all that much either. That’s because the FBI has changed its definition of “rape.”

We’ve heard that assaults aren’t going up because what is being reported are aggravated assaults, not the record number of non-aggravated assaults.

Finally we learned that alcohol related crimes “appeared” to be going up but that’s only because of the increasing effectiveness of the Safe Nightlife Association and it’s better reporting mechanisms.

Okay, fine. Crime in San Luis Obispo isn’t escalating as it appears to be. We are now forced to conclude that the crime picture here in “happy town” must have been pretty terrible to begin with. Because San Luis Obispo falls in the lowest decile of safe cities in America (SLO is rated nine in a crime index with 100 being the safest). And no denial or rationalization can explain this fact away.

Alan Cooper, a long-time San Luis Obispo resident, is the secretary of Save Our Downtown.

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I am slightly suspicious of the legitimacy of this website. When I looked at the most expensive and safest parts of my old hometown, #1 was “Mexican colony”. LOL. Let me assure you, it is as luxurious as it sounds.


As much as I like to joke about the happenings in SLO with regard to the self important political “leaders”, the SLO kazoo symphony, our local Sheriff resurrecting fishmasters with his Panga boat, well…. This town is pretty safe.


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Counting flowers on the wall,

That don’t bother me at all.

Playing Solitaire till dawn,

With a deck of fifty-one.

Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.

Now, don’t tell me I’ve nothing to do.


Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town.

As long as I can dream, it’s hard to slow this swinger down.

So please don’t give a thought to me, I’m really doing fine.

You can always find me here, having quite a time.


Counting flowers on the wall,

That don’t bother me at all.

Playing Solitaire till dawn,

With a deck of fifty-one.

Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.

Now, don’t tell me I’ve nothing to do.


Well, it’s good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright.

Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light.

And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete.

So I must go back to my room and make my day complete.


Counting flowers on the wall,

That don’t bother me at all.

Playing Solitaire till dawn,

With a deck of fifty-one.

Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.


Now, counting flowers on the wall,

That don’t bother me at all.

Playing Solitaire till dawn,

With a deck of fifty-one.

Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.

Now, don’t tell me I’ve nothing to do.


Don’t tell me I’ve nothing to do……


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I was born and raised in slo. I lived in Chicago for my college years in the friggin ghetto of Logan square/humboldt park. Slo doesn’t even know the definition of crime. They do have the corruption part down to a science though!


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Run the bums out of town and crime will disappear in SLO (except for the alcohol related crimes committed by the students). Keep coddling and supporting bums and crime will continue to rise.


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But we have wine and weather guys!


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Yep the government employees whine whether they get lots of money or not.


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So…we’re drunk with tans…oh, I get it!


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This is what is going on with the leadership of our cities and county,


https://goo.gl/sWKbWQ


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They’ve stopped representing the citizens.


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when you have cops that make over $100k per year, there is going to be a lot of crime. think about it.


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